get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
