I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize