Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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