just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
