At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
This is classic penis vs brain.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
