I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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