So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
This baby is an asshole
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
