Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
