You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but theyβre not :-(
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