Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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