I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
