I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
