he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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