id be glad to
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
