he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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