i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
