Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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