I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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