Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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