Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
