Will you blow on my dice?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
