I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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