Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
