my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I stole a fireplace last night.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Randomize
