she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
