the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
