I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
