Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
