PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
