So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
