My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
