So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
