I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
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