I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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