1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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