Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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