today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
