I wish I only lived at night.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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