Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
