i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
