Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
