You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
