hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
