two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize