just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
