I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
