i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
