question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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