how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Randomize
