I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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