I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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