Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
