WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
