Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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