we're chasing vodka with high fives
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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