Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
