I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Randomize
