Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
