apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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