We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
