I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
