He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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