its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
