that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
