When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
