Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
