I'm eating all of the evidence.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
