Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize