I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
