I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
