4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
