awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
