We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
