just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize