Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
