Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
