so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
