dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
