i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
