the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The power of my boobs compel you
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
