my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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