hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
