Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
