Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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