it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
