the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Randomize